nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Will exercising make me less horny?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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