sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
