she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
