I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
