I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
