U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
