he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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