i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize