I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
