fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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