Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
