More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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