Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
