mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize