She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
