The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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