So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You made out with two different species that night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
