still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
