your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
