i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize