And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
