we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
