hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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