Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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