Your face is a jimmy john
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How external is "for external use only"?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
