Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
