The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you still have your period?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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