It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
