don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
where does the pee come out of this thing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
