well I can't set my house on fire every night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
