Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
