i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
