Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
