I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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