Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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