my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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