Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
