I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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