i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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