Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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