Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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