; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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