my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
