K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
