If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
