your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
