I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
