Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
