Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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