Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
