we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
