it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
