Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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