Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
