sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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