So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
