the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
