don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize