i just sent this text using only my big toe
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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