im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
