I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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