On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
