hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
