I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
