we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
