Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i believe in u and ur pee
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
